Trash

Do you ever stop to think about the amount of trash that you generate in a single day? Or week? Or year? After living in Samoa for a semester and seeing the negative impacts of trash build-ups I have tried to become a more conscientious recycler. But even recycling does not completely eliminate waste, it just extends it's life cycle. There is a real problem with the way things are packaged today. It's a plastic overload. Sure it's convenient and cheaper in the short run but plastic does not biodegrade so we'll be living with it for a long time to come.

Two interesting stories I read recently. One is about the 3.5 million tons of trash floating around in the dead zone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The second is about a man who saved every single piece of trash he accumulated for a whole year. Disgusting yeah? I agree. But it does make you think about your own lifestyle and things you can do to minimize your own "trash footprint."

• Continent-size toxis stew of plastic trash fouling swath of Pacific Ocean


• California man saves year's-worth of trash

A Little R&R

It's not often that I find myself at my apartment on a Saturday evening, but since I am recovering from a rather nasty cold I decided it was a good idea. Definitely a change of pace for me. I sleep a lot when I go back to visit family, but not necessarily here. Rather nice to sleep away the afternoon, and I even managed to get some stuff done. Ok maybe not that much but I did write a few thank you letters. That should count for something. :) I also got to spend time with my roommates. Doesn't happen as often as it should. It was a movie marathon evening: Love Actually, and then the first two Bourne movies. But now it's one in the morning and I need to be up in a few hours for church. I think I'll probably spend most of tomorrow sleeping as well. haha

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Christmas! I am once again back with my family enjoying an unexpected week off from work. Unexpected because until two weeks ago I did not know that I had this vacation time. I love happy unexpectedness. :)

I had a wonderful Christmas. Right now all my younger siblings are running around the house playing with their new toys. It seems like the game of the moment is some sort of laser tag.

For the first time in several years all of us went to the same Mass on Christmas day. Normally half of us go to midnight and the other half go in the morning, but this year everyone went in the morning. I actually went to the vigil as well to accompany the soloists on the organ. Exciting but also a little scary as it's been about five years since I've played the organ in church and it was very last minute. Three of the pieces I received two days beforehand, and the final piece I received when I arrived at the church for a brief rehearsal. The organ is in need of some desperate repairs, and I had a few problems with stops the first two pieces, but the Communion pieces turned out much better, at least in my opinion. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to play more often. I'm planning to take a few lessons to brush up on technique, pedaling, and the stops. The biggest determining factor in how much time I spend will be whether or not I can obtain a key. My ultimate goal is to start playing for weddings again. Music took a huge backseat in college, but I don't think it could ever stop being a part of my life. One of these days I will get a piano as well, but for the time being it would be in competition with the TV and I don't think my roommates would approve. :-P Aside from the organ I am also playing a few times a month with a couple of friends. Right now we are working on Bach's Double and I cannot wait to have it done. It's going to sound awesome. I'm really enjoying having more difficult pieces to learn, because otherwise I am tempted to just stick with music that I already know or that is fairly easy to sight read. The challenge of having to practice difficult passages is exciting. And yes, I know that I have now managed to sound like a complete dork. :)

Thanksgiving

For the first time ever all ten kids were home for Thanksgiving. That may seem surprising, but when the baby was born my older brother was already in college, and he always spent Thanksgiving with family on the East coast. Last year, his first year out of school, I was in Samoa. I must admit it was nice to have everyone home for the holidays. It's amazing how easy it is to slip into old routines with family. If you know me, you know that as a rule I don't watch much TV. Yet over the course of the past few days I watched quite a bit of football. Part of it is a feeling of wasting time whenever I "veg in front of the box." But with family, it never feels like that.

Thanksgiving will most likely end up being the one holiday that brings us all together again. Christmas will as well, but it's harder to coordinate with Mass. Christmas is more of a religious holiday and so church is a priority. Plus it can fall anytime during the week. Thanksgiving is always a four day weekend, making it easy to predict and plan.

Wet puppy

That's pretty much how I felt by the time I made it back to my car after today's game of ultimate. Yet despite all of that, if I had the chance I would be out there again right now. I miss playing ultimate. I don't care if I was soaking wet from the incessant drizzle and covered in grass and mud...I had fun today! One of my roommates doesn't like to break a sweat and so refuses to play spots. I just don't understand that. I love the tired feeling you get after a hard workout; digging deep and pushing yourself. What I hate is feeling is feeling out of shape so that my body doesn't want to respond the way that I want it to. I think I might have to start running occasionally in addition to swimming. Or maybe a track workout. For some odd reason I'd much rather do sprints than run distance.

Rain

It's not that I don't like the rain. It's more that it's very inconvenient for it to be raining so much right now. I bought a new mountain bike earlier this week and was really looking forward to trying it out on some of the trails around Houston but no. The rain has put a quick stop to that. It's not that it has been raining non-stop, but it's been raining enough to keep the trails muddy, and riding muddy trails equals ruts which equals not good. So instead I've had to keep busy in other ways; like hanging out with my sisters, watching the new Bourne movie (finally!!!), attempting to go to a Rice football game only to have the rain postpone it near the end of the first quarter, catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while, and curling up with a good book on the couch. Being grown-up still scares me, but I am also beginning to appreciate just how much fun it can be.

Little Sister

One of my younger sisters moved into her dorm room this afternoon. That was just weird. I know that she's not little anymore, but I just can't believe that she's old enough to be in college. For that matter I can't believe that I'm old enough for her to be in college. It was also somewhat strange to be back on campus, watching everyone move in, and knowing that I won't be going back as a student. Watching all the freshmen walking around campus trying to orient themselves and parents investigating everything to ensure that their little darlings will be comfortable took me back to my first day at Rice. I was so nervous and scared, with no clue what I was doing. I've changed a lot. I hope that in four years all these young kids will look back at the beginning of O-week and realize that college is an awesome experience. I hope they have as much fun as I did.

Weekends

During the week I don't do much besides swim, work, drive, and sleep. My weekends however, look like they will be a lot more fun. Not having homework problems to do or tests for which to study makes it so much easier to relax and just do whatever. Friday night I went to an Astros game with a group of Rice friends. Things are really going to be different after Biggio retires at the end of this year. I remember going to games with my dad and older brother when I was in first and second grade...watching Biggio and Bagwell play. At one point I had a ball signed by all the Astros. I have no clue where it is now.

Saturday morning was spent running errands, which did include a stop at Borders. Books and shoes are my weaknesses. I already have to buy (or build) another bookshelf for my room. I spent the rest of the day playing in a hat tournament. I seriously almost died. It had to have been one of the hottest days of the summer, and with no cloud coverage for most of the day. I felt as though I were running with an elephant on my chest. Add to that the fact that I've started swimming in place of running and I am actually somewhat sore right now. It was so much fun though. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about ultimate. I know that I won't be joining a club team this year, but I really do enjoy playing. The problem is that it's much more fun when you're actually in shape and in practice so I'll have to find a way to make that work. After the games were over I stopped by a friend's apartment to say hi. I didn't plan on staying for long because I was quite nasty from the day. I didn't think much about it cuz the guy is practically my older brother. I've known him since I was 3 1/2, and so I was just planning to chill with his wife and his younger sister who was also hanging out at his place. Well, they didn't bother to tell me that it also happened to be poker night...yeah they just left that little detail out until a couple guys showed up at the door. Of course at this point they wouldn't let me leave because they wanted another player for the game. I was not ok with this. It's pretty bad when you know that you don't smell too good. To make a long story short I ended up borrowing some clothes and showering there so that I could stay and learn how to play Texas Hold'em. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and I probably could have placed higher than third if I hadn't gotten impatient at around midnight and decided I just wanted to go home.

Today was also jam-packed. I got to church early because a friend and I wanted to try to join the choir. I've wanted to join for the past four years, but because of the car situation I haven't actually done so. As of this morning however I am now a member of the Annunciation choir. It's "off-season" now so we're just singing hymns, but come Advent we should be starting back up with the Propers. I think we're also going to try to get some more enthusiasm going for Polyphony. After Mass a large group of us went out to breakfast. There is no parish hall, which makes it somewhat difficult to meet a lot of people at church, but this breakfast group is a ton of fun. I went last year once, but now that I have a car I should be going much more regularly. It's a whole mixture of people- from a retired history professor to little kids. After breakfast I went to a semi-housewarming party and re-watched the second Borne movie. Now I have to go see the third one. The remainder of the afternoon was dedicated to a nice long nap before heading over to another friend's house for some fresh grilled fish which were the product a deep sea fishing expedition yesterday. And now, I am ready for bed. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, and I definitely don't want to get up at 5:15 to swim in the morning. Why am I doing this to myself?

Diversity and Inclusion

Today we had what BP likes to call "D&I Day." Is is basically an excuse to have free food all day long and bring in speakers who talk about various diversity or inclusion issues. The first speaker today was talking about the need to respect and love ourselves before we can respect and love others. She went on about commonality and looking beneath the surface blah blah. I could understand the point she was trying to make, but it still seemed like there was this huge part that was missing. The whole thing was approached from a purely human perspective. It just seemed like it was more about "feeling good" and "being happy" for yourself. Including others, and celebrating differences were good things to do because of what they did for you. I can't remember off the top of my head what the four major themes were but one was "We are all similar and we are all different." Another one was "Communicating with compassion." Both of those are good, but as with everything else she was saying, they revolved around self. She recommended taking some time in the morning to "listen to your heart and connect with your inner being." It is all so close, and yet at the same time so far away from hitting the mark. Unless God is the center of our lives we will not be able to achieve this inclusion and understanding of others. When you examine it from a Catholic point of view, all the pieces fit. We are all the same. We were all created in the image and likeness of God Himself. We all have eternal souls. But at the same time we are all different. Each human being is unique. We all have free will. When we look at this world keeping in mind this fact that we are all children of God, and when we see in other people God Himself, it follows that we will treat others with compassion.

We are faced with many social problems in our society, but they are impossible to cure without knowing the cause. The root cause is that we have taken God out of our lives. We are trying to address the symptoms without acknowledging the disease itself. It is as though a doctor were handing a band aid to a patient who has been in a horrible car accident. It might cover a scratch but it won't do much good beyond that.

For your viewing pleasure

Go big or go home

I just got off the phone with my mom, and one of her last comments was "You just can't do anything that's not big can you." In case you are wondering what prompted that, let me tell you a little story. It's a story about my first day of work. Ya see, it started out the way I planned. I woke up at 5:30 and swam some laps at the apartment pool, came back, showered, got dressed put on makeup, got in my car and started the drive to work. Being the slightly nerdy dork that I am, I was alternating listening to some piano music that I want to learn and some French pop as I drove. I'd been a little afraid of the traffic, but until the last stoplight it was flowing pretty well. At 8am I turned into the complex, proud of myself for timing things so well. The visitor's parking garage was just ahead, but I stopped to let a pedestrian cross the street. All of a sudden "BANG." Ok, stop and rewind. That's just the music right? It can't possibly be that the guy in the white SUV behind me just hit me. Please don't let it be that? I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were "Just tell me you have insurance. That's all I care about. Please just tell me you have insurance." You have to remember that I'm driving my brand new, less than a month old, car. The guy assures me that he does, that he just bought the car two weeks ago, blah blah. He's young, just started work two weeks ago. We exchange information and agree to meet later as we both have meetings starting at 8:30. Four o'clock rolls around and we meet downstairs in the lobby of my building. The poor guy is visibly shaken and very upset. Me? I'm not too worried. After all, insurance is going to take care of it, right? Right! Oh, except for the one little part where his insurance is now saying that he's not actually covered. Talk about God having a sense of humor. But things are going to work. He's willing to pay for everything, and drove with me to drop off the car and pick up a rental. It really could have been a lot worse. I could have hit the guy crossing in front of me. It could have been much worse damage. One of us could have been injured. He could be a complete jerk. Granted, things aren't completely finished, but I trust that things will work. At least I hope they do. I was telling the story to my roommates when I got home this evening and they started lecturing me for my stupidity. Yes, the check he wrote me could bounce, and he could pull his credit card. And if that happens then I might stop being so amused by the fact that this happened on my first day of work. But until then, I think you kinda have to give the general decency in human beings a shot. I dunno. In the end it's just money.

And now for something lighter. You should totally check out this video. I can't take credit for mixing it, but I can and will take credit for most of the video clips and pictures...esp the ones of people laying out. Yep those are my pictures. I pretty much rock. :-)

New Apartment

I moved into my new apartment on Friday, and incredibly enough was able to completely unpack in one day. It is rather nice to have my own room again. My roommates have also moved into the apartment, but they don't have their furniture here yet so my room is the only one done. The only thing missing is a second bookshelf...I didn't realize I had so many books!!! Hopefully in another few weeks we will have the kitchen and living room completely furnished so that we can throw our supposedly obligatory party. I had been rather nervous about the whole move and new job etc, but now that I'm here and settled and near all my Rice friends I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. The fun part will be getting at 5:30. I want to try to start swimming again in the morning before work. Technically the pool at the apartment doesn't open until 10am, but somehow I managed to get permission to swim early as long as I don't make too much noise.

Moving

So the movers are scheduled to arrive at 8am tomorrow. I know I should be excited about moving, and I am...somewhat, but it's also a little scary to know that I am moving pretty much for good. College was different. This was still my home. But that's about to change. The ironic part is that now that I have a car I'll probably actually visit more often than I did in college.

Racism

There are very few things that will get me as upset as quickly as racism. I went to the library today with my younger sister to return some books and pick up a movie. As we were waiting for one of the librarians to find the movie in the back we chatted with the other two members of staff working at the circulation desk. One of them was white skinned and the other dark. Ok, so truth be told we were actually talking with the darker staff member because he had just come back from South America and was wearing a pretty awesome embroidered shirt he had bought there. The third librarian was helping an older man when a middle-aged woman approached her with a stack of books. Immediately the guy behind the desk offered to check her out on his computer. Without looking at him, and with her back completely turned the woman replied "No, she's got it." I immediately looked at the young man and saw reflected in his face the same shocked expression I knew was visible in mine. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders, but I could barely continue the conversation because I was fuming inside. She had made no direct comment; there was nothing blatant that I could use to call her out, but the message was obvious. Subtle but direct. Unbelievable. We call ourselves United and we tolerate that in our neighborhoos, libraries, schools, and workplaces. Two years ago I witnessed something very similar in a gas station in middle of nowhere, small town Oklahoma with a friend of mine whose parents happened to be from India. He was from a big city in the Midwest and had absolutely no clue what was happening. For a split second I could understand why Blacks have in the past said that they just knew to get out of town..."sun-down cities." As an American I am embarressed to be forced to acknowledge that racism still exists in this country. The question is...how do you solve the problem?

I was talking to my cousin about this very issue last week. There are a lot of programs in schools, and the errors of racial discrimation are heavily preached in classrooms. But are they doing any good? Or are they instead deepening the cycle by raising awarenss in the minds of children who would otherwise be too innocent to compare their friends based on skin color? In most cases adults are the ones who place that issue in their heads, who introduce the color filter which then casts a haze over their relationships with others. Many people are surprised when I reveal that I am Latino. (I cannot count the number of times people have started to make comments about "those stupid Mexicans only to stammer "oh, but I don't mean like you" when I remind them that I am Mexican.) Sure, I may not have the brown skin that most people associate with Hispanics, but perhaps that is part of the reason that I insist on it. Skin color should not be a determining factor in anything, let alone personality or character traits.

Frustration

Sometimes I just really hate computers. Yes they can be convenient, but after spending over an hour on the phone with tech support and another four hours trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer I'm still left with I have no clue but now it's working again. I guess we'll see if it continues to cooperate in the morning...

Home Sweet Home

I remember learning that song while I was boarding in Post Falls. For the rest of that semester it was my favorite song to sing. That was more than twelve years ago, but there is still something very comforting about being home. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but I also do love my family. Ya know, we pulled into the drive this evening and I had barely opened the car door before three little kids were jumping on top of me. It's hard to leave when you know you are so loved. Of course, I hadn't made it to the door before they started asking if I'd brought anything back for them. Silly question!

And now begins the whirlwind of activity before moving on Friday.

I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun

My last day of vacation before flying back to Houston and preparing for what some would call "the real world." Turns out, I'll be taking part of California back with me in the form of a nice sunburn, curtesy of the LA solar rays which can apparently penetrate multiple layers of sunscreen. But ya know what? It was worth it. My older brother flew in on Friday, so the three of us drove down to the beach to try to catch some waves. Unfortunately today was a rather bad day to try to learn how to surf so instead we had fun with some "Surf's Up" body boards that my cousin brought back from work. We spent all afternoon paddling furiously into the waves and then trying to catch the break at the just the right moment to ensure that when you finally stopped moving it would be because you'd been beached. Tons of fun, and the water was the perfect temperature. I had not gotten into the water at all yet, both for fear that it would be freezing, and because I had always walked down to the beach alone and was afraid to leave my phone and keys unattended. The afternoon was pretty much exactly what I would think of when I think of California vacation. Sun, beach, beautiful weather. And of course, having Joseph here was an added bonus. Silly as it may sound, I was so excited all week after I found out he would be flying in for the weekend. I love my family. They're pretty awesome. :)

Anne of Green Gables

I started watching part of the first Anne of Green Gables' movies with my cousins tonight. The book was one of my favorites as a child, and I still love the movie. I should probably reread the book, and all the others that I used to love so much. Polyanna, The Little Princess, Heidi, Little Lord Fauntleroy. Their main characters were not only so innocent, but also so full of happiness that they spread to all those around them. I always wanted to be like them. And they were good moral characters. They might not have been perfect, but morality was always highlighted as important in the stories. I think that's one reason why I've been unable to get into the Harry Potter craze. It took me almost six months to finish the first book. I just was not all that impressed. He was somewhat of a brat whose one redeeming quality was that he happened to be good at magic. I could not admire him or aspire to be like him. I've been told that the later books actually do develop his character and that he learns to behave better but I just don't have the desire to sit through thousands of pages to find what other authors have been able to do in a couple hundred.

Lazy Summer Days

The best part of my California trip has been the ability to do absolutely nothing if I so desire. I tend to get so caught up in always doing things that even when I take time to read or do nothing there is always something waiting to be done at the end, always a certain amount of time set aside. This week there has been none of that. I get up when I want, go to the beach if I feel like it, read, listen to music, play the piano, go to bed early. Aside from the little bit of time I spent dealing with apartment stuff yesterday I haven't thought much about moving or work. It's been very relaxing with lots of time to think and reflect on different things.

Denied

Today was a completely lazy day. I spent the morning taking care of apartment and moving details. I had a slight moment of panic when I talked to my mom and realized that I was moving out of the house completely in a little over a week. I realize it's just part of life but it's still slightly scary.

I walked down to the beach after lunch and spent about an hour listening to Pink Martini. My cousin introduced me to their music and I absolutely love them now. After about an hour of being a beach bum I started to crave ice cream and decided to walk the mile or so down to the nearby pier where I knew there was an ice cream shop. Imagine my frustration on arriving only to discover that the accepted nothing but cash when I was carrying my debit card. It was with slightly less enthusiasm that I began the two mile walk home. :(

Tourist

Today I was a tourist. I went to the Aquarium of the Pacific this morning and spent a few hours wandering around before the school crowds hit. I love the water. I love the ocean. I could have stood for hours and watched the fish swim. It never ceases to amaze me how much color and life there is under the water. Galveston Bay is so brown and polluted that for years I did not realize that complete other world just waiting to be discovered. My favorite by far was the South Pacific coral tank. I felt as though I were back in the waters of Palolo Deep and I were seeing for the first time the vibrant colors and wonderous beauty of the reef. I can still remember the goosebumps, catching my breath, and thinking to myself: "How can anyone believe that this is all chance? How is it possible to not believe that God exists?" Coral is so beautiful, so necessary, and so easily destroyed.
Since I got to the Aquarium early enough I did not have to fight crowds at the touch ponds. Ordinarily I would have just skipped them, but how is that even possible when you are the only person there? So I touched the fish and the rays and all the other ocean critters that they had. Let me just say for the record- they are slimy and somewhat gross. I like to admire them, but not necessarily touch them.

After eating lunch with my cousin I walked over to the Queen Mary and did the "haunted tour." A little cheesy perhaps, but still fun. I then wantedered around the ship for a while before walking back towards the Long Beach lighthouse and my cousin's office. As I crossed the bridge connecting the two attractions I could not help but admire the view of the ocean. Water is so peaceful. The rest of the view of the city wasn't bad either. To one side was the dock with all the boats and machinary, and on another side lay the tall buildings of the city, with all its accompanying hustle and bustle. Yet one thing struck me. I walked several miles today, and did not see a single church. Even from the top of the bridge looking down over the city not one steeple was visible. I could not help but contrast that with France or Samoa. Churches dot the countryside in France. True, many of them may now lie unused and serve soley as another tourist attraction, but they are still there reminders of another time. In Samoa as well one could not walk half a mile without coming upon a church. They were the center of every village. Where are they in the United States?

Three Cups of Tea

There are very few books that I would recommend as enthusiastically and universally as I would Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin's Three Cups of Tea. It chronicles ten years of a former mountain climber's work in rural Pakistan building schools for girls and assisting with other humaintarian efforts. For years he worked mostly alone, unknown and unrecognized by most Americans. His allies were instead the villagers whose lives he was trying so hard to improve. And on top of it all, he was a working man with a family of his own. The hardships he has faced and the number of times he has put his life in danger to make a difference is truly inspiring. He is living proof that education is the surest way to eliminate poverty and fight terrorism.

I also found this book inspiring because it provides a solution to a problem with which Washington seems increasingly unable cope. For several years now we have been dropping bombs, sending troops, and spending billions of dollars. And for what? For an increasing number of casulties and and increasing amount of resentment towards the United States. I used to be fascinated by politics. In highschool I loved it, and as a freshman in college I wanted to study political science. Now it seems so empty...a bunch of people talking and spending money, but not really doing anything. Here is someone who is doing something, and for that I have nothing but admiration.

And now I leave you a quote from the book. The speaker is Brigadier General Bhangoo, former personal helicopter pilot for President Musharraf. "Osama is not a product of Pakistan or Afghanistan. He is a creation of America. Thanks to America, Osama is in every home. As a military man, I know you can never fight and win against someone who can shoot at you once and then run off and hide while ou have to remain eternally on guard. You have to attack at the source of your enemy's strength. In America's case, that's not Osama or Saddam or anyone else. The enemy is ignorance. The only way to defeat it is to build relationships with these people, to draw them into the modern world with education and business. Otherwise the fight will go on forever."

Disneyland

My cousin took me to Disneyland today. Yes, I may be legally be an adult, but I am still a child at heart and it is perfectly acceptable for this to have been my first visit to that magical land. It was a lot more fun than I thought it would be, but what impressed me most was the attention to detail and the creativity of whoever designed that place. I would love to have that job! Every single ride was so full of characters and props...it was quite amazing. And then of course the dancers in the parade. I love dancing so it is very hard to sit still while others are twirling to music. Sitting on the sideline at the end of the day watching the parade, there were several thoughts running through my head. The first was "wow." The second was "I want to do that." And the third was "One of these days I am going to make a costume and go visit kids in the hospital and people in nursing homes." When Gina made her Civil War ballgown I realized just how much both little kids and older adults love the whole "princess magic." Even I was enchanted by it today. Ya know, I really am incredibly blessed. It's a thought that just keeps going through my head. I look at how much I have, all the opportunities I've been given, all the places I've been.

Career Women

I met a woman today at my cousin's daughter's friend's eighth birthday party. (Confusing relation? Yes, I thought so.) Brenda, as I will call her for the sake of this story, is in her early forties, unmarried, and very friendly. Since I am a stranger in this part of the country I was just making small talk with the other adults and listening in on various conversations. At one point however, I was talking to Brenda alone and the short exchange we had has bothered me all day. As I said before, Brenda was very nice and friendly, even invited me to go shopping with her or out to a happy hour with her later this week if I got bored. But in the five minutes that we had alone, I felt like I was seeing a very different woman, one who was unhappy and almost bitter. I wish I knew more about her to be able to figure out exactly what was bothering her. On the one hand she told me that she was very independent and advised me not to get married until I was at least in my thirties, yet on the other she complained because she did not have a rich husband to take care of her. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with being independent or a strong woman. I would be the first to admit that I do not like being told what to do and I definitely do not like to follow the crowd. However...you cannot have a successful relationship, let alone marriage, without being willing to compromise. Do you want your designer clothes and month long Carribean vacations? Or do you want a family? As I've gotten older and seen more of other families, I have begun to appreciate so much more all that my mom has done and given up for us children. It makes me so upset when other women try to downplay it. Yes, my mom has given up just about everything. And I love and admire her for it. She could have had a career if she'd wanted, and she would have made a fabulous engineer. She could be off vacationing in the mountains or watching the sun set in Fiji. But she's not. Instead she has dedicated the past twenty-five years to raising her children.

Before college I'd known very little besides stay-at-home moms. In was only in college that I began to truly be exposed to the career-mom mentality. Even now I have a hard time pinpointing why I find the idea so distasteful. Granted, there are many instances the situation is beyond a woman's control and she has no choice but to work. I am not referring to those. I am referring solely to those situations in which a woman could stay at home, but chooses instead to return to the working world. (And also to those women who refuse to consider marriage or a family until they have "established themselves in their career.") What is is that I don't like? The more I think about it and the more I am around career-moms the more I think it is their selfishness. Yes, not all of them are that way. I am not trying to say that. I am just saying that in general there is much more of a "me" mentality. And really, if you stop to think about it, it's quite sad. Women are made to love and to give. I know that none of these women go out into their career thinking that it will impair their ability to give to their children, but their are quite literally attempting the impossible. You cannot work for eight hours a day and still have the energy left to continue to give selflessly of yourself while you are at home. Not with little children. It breaks my heart to see it. I don't think there is any maliciousness in it. It's what our society says women are supposed to do. But it is the kids who suffer. And I think the women as well. When they look back in their forties, in their sixties...what do they see? A successful career? Most likely. And probably kids who don't have the time to spend with them because they are too absorbed in their own careers and lives.

I know, I'm probably not one to be talking. After all, I'm about to embark on my own career. It's something that I've thought about a lot lately. I think I am afraid of losing sight of the lessons my mom taught me over so many years. I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in the corporate world...making money, having freedom to travel and do all those things. But at the same time, college was amazing. I had so many awesome opportunites and got to do so many fun things and go on so many adventures. Yes I would still love to go to South America and Africa and Japan and Russia. There's still a lot of traveling I would love to do. And yes I still want to go jet skiing. But when it comes down to it, if I had to give it all up, I don't think I'd be too heartbroken. Or at least I hope I wouldnt be.

Reflections

I just finished spending a week in Post Falls, Idaho with my best friend since fourth grade. You know you have something pretty special when you can go more than four years without seeing a person and pick up as though you'd only been gone for half an hour. I'm really glad I decided to take the summer off because otherwise I would not have been able to spend this time with her, and with her upcoming wedding in October who knows when we'll be able to spend so much "girl time" together again. It was also nice to be able to meet her fiance and get to know him a little bit before they get married. Although who knows what he must think of Steph and I together...crazy girls. My flight got in pretty late at night, and I don't think the rest of the passengers were quite prepared for two twenty-some year old girls acting like little kids jumping up and down and screaming in the airport. We got more than a couple strange looks as those standing around waiting for their luggage back away from us. The week passed by quickly, too quickly, and now I am sitting in my cousin's house in LA relaxing and wondering if I should finish my book or walk down to the beach.

I tend to complain quite a bit, but when I stop to think about things, I have been more than a little blessed. I have one of the most incredible group of friends possible. Granted, many of them live all over the United States and I may rarely (if ever) see them. Yet I have learned so much from each of them. No matter what the problem I am facing or question I might have, I know that they would be there for me. I can think of only two friendships that have ended in a manner that I wish I could have changed, but even from those I have learned more than I thought possible. From one I learned the importance of compassion and forgiveness. We are all human and can make mistakes at any moment. I cannot be the one to judge another. From the other I learned what can happen when you take God out of the center of your life and lose respect for yourself. Sometimes there are days when I want to forget completely about these people who once meant so much to me, but I have come to realize that it is only in learning from the mistakes of the past that I can hope to become a better friend.

Dallas Trip

This weekend I drove up to Dallas with a group of friends to go to a wedding. The bride and groom were both college friends who graduated two years ago, so it was somewhat of a reunion as well. It is the third wedding I have been to this summer, and once again I was slightly wierded out seeing friends walk down the aisle. I must admit however that it was a beautiful wedding. They were married in the Cistercian Abby, so that was nice. They were both so relaxed and laid back, not stressed at all. It seemed like they were just enjoying the day. In fact, they didn't do the traditional "birdseed send-off;" opting instead to remain at the reception. We left slightly before midnight and they were still there talking to people. I thought that was really cool!

At the reception I ended up sitting next to this older gentleman and his wife, and over the course of the meal I learned about their life. I have never met someone who so firmly believes that "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Despite all the rough times they've had...destroyed home and business, forced relocation, etc he was genuinely happy and content and optimistic. I realized that I spend a lot of time complaining about things, when in fact I have an awful lot for which to be thankful. I want to be able to be like that, always taking everything in stride, but it doesn't happen overnight. Resignation begins with the small things.

Three Months Later

The past few months have been a whirlwind of activity. I graduated from college, watched two of my best friends walk down the aisle, took a road trip to Ohio, and played in a beach tournament in Galveston to name a few of the things that have occupied my time. Thankfully, the past few weeks of bumming around at home have been very relaxing. I'm going to miss the complete lack of responsibility when I begin working in August. Oh the downside, this break has also made me very lazy in just about everything else as well. It's also given me plenty of time to think. It's a little bit scary. Of my three best friends one is married, one is engaged, and the third is in a very serious relationship. I'm not ready for anything even close to that, and it's a little scary to see them moving ahead with their lives so quickly. I love seeing them so happy, but it's not where I imagined things would be right now.

Thinking about starting to work is also slightly frightening. And really, it's not the thought of working or paying bills that's scary as much as the possibility that I might stop wanting more and become complacent with just being "average" or "normal." There is so much that I want to do and see and learn and experience. I don't want my life to become a predictable routine. I want to spend every weekend doing something different- sailing, shooting, dancing, ultimate, music, camping, biking, hiking, traveling...Life is an adventure that is meant to be lived.

But then there are times that I remember that this life is not what really matters...what matters is eternity. And really, whether I do these things or not won't matter if I can't save my soul. And yes, that is a sobering thought. Basically, I wish I knew what I was supposed to do with my life.

Music

Growing up, and especially through high school, I always played music. The piano was almost a best friend. But then I got to college and I didn't have time to practice anymore. For the past three years the only time I've played on a regular basis has been some sight-reading duets with a friend who plays the clarinet. It's always fun, but last night has to have been one of my favorite nights ever. Everything just seemed to work. It might not have always been perfect, and I know I need to play through some of the pieces on my own, but for a little while we sounded pretty good. And yes, even now, twelve hours later I'm still happy about it. :)

Spring break

Spring break was pretty much awesome. My roommate and I took a cruise to Mexico, so it was basically five days or reading, relaxing, and generally doing absolutely nothing. No computers, no cell phones, no school, no worries. It was perfect. I'm pretty much in love with water, so waking up every morning to blue ocean waves as far as the eye could see was quite ok with me.

Our ship made two stops- one in Progresso and one in Cozumel. While the general itinerary while we were there was the same, the feel was completely different. Progresso is a small town of about 40,000 people and is still a relatively new port of call. Cozumel, on the other hand, is a huge tourist destination. I think we counted around seven other cruise ships while we were docked in port. Walking around was somewhat depressing. A two-story outdoor shopping area, lots of touristy hotels, a bar and scuba shop every twenty feet along the beach. Nothing seemed real, except for the massive numbers of scooters everywhere. I've decided I want one. Katelin and I tried to rent one to go see the Mayan ruins but were unsuccessful. So instead, we parked ourselves at one of the outdoor bar/restaurants. Katelin read as I snorkeled to my heart's content, and we both laughed at the poor fools who paid $25 for thirty minutes of snuba. Maybe if there'd been an impressive reef, but the location wasn't all that spectacular. I did see something really cool though- a big blue fish eating a small yellow fish. That was pretty sweet. I hadn't expected the fish to be so different from the ones I saw in the Pacific last semester.

Progresso was a completely different story. The entire town consisted of about two streets. We went shopping in the craft market, where I found a chess set for my mom. We then spent about ten minutes walking up one street and back down the next. There wasn't much aside from a few banks and internet cafes for tourists. The back side of the street, which was not for tourists, was probably the most real place I saw the entire trip. Walking into those small shops I spoke about as much Spanish as they spoke English- not much. It made me realize that poverty is still very real in Mexico, and it has increased my desire to learn to speak it fluently and to one day go back to Mexico. I'm glad we stopped in Progresso because otherwise I feel that my view of Mexico would have been very skewed. One of my favorite things there, which I dont think was Katelins, was walking through the food market. She thought it was gross, but quite frankly I thought it was cool. I mean, that's pretty much daily life there.

Why?

It's 12:30am on a Tuesday morning, and I'm sitting in my room icing my shins and trying to focus on a problem set. As you can tell it's not working. It's moments like this that I wonder why I do this to my body. I love playing ultimate, but sometimes it seems a bit crazy. This weekend was tough. We had another tournament in Baton Rouge- Mardi Gras. At first it looked like it would be an awesome opportunity for Miss Red to play together, but as the time drew nearer half of the players dropped and we were left scrambling for numbers and cars. Saturday was a rough day- cold and windy. Although everyone, and especially the rookies, played well I had to sit out most of the day because I'd finally been beaten by the cold that I'd been fighting off all week. Add to that a random leg injury during the second game and I was sidelined for the rest of the day. A good night's rest made Sunday a much better game for me, but we lost two more players to injuries and were once again savage. Fortunately, we still have a winning record for the season...something that makes me very happy.

We had an IM game today which was a ton of fun, but is also the reason I am sitting on the floor with a bag of ice. Don't get me wrong, I love playing with Miss Red, but coed will always have a special place in my heart. I've started thinking about what I'll do after college, and I'm leaning more towards playing with the coed team than trying to make the Texas women's team. We'll see what happens...

Relationships

Now that Valentine's Day is officially over I feel like I can validly comment on relationships. First of all, I have to say that I am not a huge fan of the exaggerated commercialization of the day. While I will admit that this might be a slight amount of bitterness on my part, I think the world would be a much better place if people were a tad bit nicer on normal days and down played Valentine's Day by just a bit.

And now about relationships. For several years I was involved with a guy who I thought I loved, and the thought of being single seemed like such a horrible idea. At some point I realized that being together was actually the horrible idea, and suddenly being single was a wonderful idea. I'll be honest- I've had a lot of fun and enjoyed my senior year of college much more that I thought I would. However, at the same point I've come to several unexpected realizations. Guys who used to be just friends are suddenly wanting to be more and it's really wierding me out. I never realized how much of a difference being "off-limits" made. And ya know what...I won't lie...its done worlds for my self-confidence. At the same time I know that it'll put a small kink in some of my friendships because I have absolutely no interest in dating some of them and I can't go back to the "ignorance is bliss" state of yesterday.

Meetings

One of my pet peeves is meetings that drag on for much longer than needed. I am a huge fan of directness. Say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done. If you are in charge of running a meeting it is your responsibility to make sure that you have at least an informal agenda beforehand, and that you keep things moving once the meeting starts. While it is perfectly acceptable, and even necessary at times, to allow brainstorming and unplanned for discussions, they need to have some relevance. Remember, other people have most likely made plans for after the meeting.

Vegas baby!

I got back from Vegas about twelve hours ago, and am still in the process of recovering. No, I did not gamble. I was there for an ultimate tournament, and what a tournament! The first two days the weather was about as perfect as possible. We came out strong in our first games and were playing some of the best ultimate I've ever see Miss Red play. Good ultimate is so much fun to play. We went 3-0 our first day, the first time we've ever done that as a team. It was incredible and I am so excited about the rest of this semester. The second day also began well. We went 2-1 on Saturday, losing to UCLA-B by four points. Even that loss, though hard, was bearable. We were playing with nine girls. They had almost twenty, and we still managed to win the second half. That in itself was impressive. Our last game was pretty easy, and we won 13-1. Unfortunately, that was also a difficult game for me. I made quite a few bad decisions, and threw away numerous disks. Thankfully, I am just one person and the rest of the team played flawlessly. Sunday was tough because it was windy, and ultimate in the wind is just not as much fun as ultimate in beautiful weather. We lost our first and third games, and won the second one pretty much because we won the toss. There were no upwind points scored that game. I would really like to play the first team again...I think they would be an awesome and totally fun team to play in more normal weather conditions. The third game of the day, and the last of the tournament, was another heart-breaker. They won on an upwind point in hard cap, with my girl scoring the point on an upwind huck. I really should have had the D, but could not find the energy to challenge. Definitely motivation to continue conditioning.

Evenings were also a ton of fun. It was just the girls at the hotel so we got dressed up Friday and Saturday night and roamed around the strip looking pretty darn good! :) I know. I'm not really the girl who tends to get dressed up or put on makeup but occasionally it can be lots of fun. Besides, I really like doing the unexpected. We somehow managed to everyone to put on party clothes and look cute. I think some of them felt it was pointless because all we did was wonder around for a few hours, but the getting ready part was (in my opinion) the best part.

We got back to Houston at 7am this morning, just in time for me to write my paper and do my problem set before class. I haven't been very productive at all today, which probably means I should stop typing and start working.

100 Days!

It's actually less than 100 days at this point, and it's still a little bit hard to believe. 100 days until I graduate from college. It's exciting and scary at the same time. I've really enjoyed college with all its ups and downs. It's been a good four years and it doesn't seem possible that time is winding down as quickly as it is. This semester is going to be just packed with fun and randomness. It is very tempting to look back and spend lots of time dwelling on what has happened in the past, but in doing so I feel like I would be missing out on too much of the present. I intend to make every moment count. That doesn't mean that I'll be running around as busy as can be doing a million different things. Part of that is spending lots of quality time sitting on the couch watching Scrubs and talking to my roommate; or curled up in a chair in Rm 106 reading for my econ class. People are the most important assets in which to invest. True friends will be there for you no matter what.

A number of random thoughts

I've been meaning to post for at least a week now, but never made the time for it. After I came back from Samoa I had a lot of questions regarding development vs. preservation of culture. I was very confused. On the one hand I was being told that this culture needed to be preserved and that development was bad. On the other hand I was working with engineers and educated Samoans who wanted more for their fellow country men. What to do? By going there, was I helping them or hurting them? Fortunately I have now found an answer. Or at least I think I have. While it has helped in some ways, it has also left me with more questions.

I am taking a class on Development Economics taught by the former president of Rice University and a leading expert in this field. He has done a lot of work in this field, and I went to speak with him last week. I asked him how he managed to balance the two, and what I should do. His response was that an economists job was not to tell people what to do. It was to provide them with options. He also told me that he only went in when his aide was requested. Suddenly everything clicked. It made so much sense. I don't have to worry about what the best thing for these people is. That is a decision they have to make for themselves. They are perfectly capable of making rational and educated decisions. The other comment he made is that colonialism happened. I have to get over it and move on because that cannot be changed.

Even though this conversation made so much sense and gave me a huge sense of calm regarding my experience in Samoa, it also left me with a lot of doubts about my decision to major in economics. It has also made me decide I definitely do not want to get my PhD in economics because as he said, economists do not make moral judgements. Their job is to give facts and options; to analyze the situation. For some reason I had this romantic notion that I could somehow save the world. That's not going to happen. That does not mean that I cannot do some good or that I cannot help people...I just have to be more realistic about things. I'll post more on this later. I know it's something that I will be thinking about quite a bit this semester.

And in other news. I called my ex today just to chat, see how he was doing. I figured it's been nine months...surely we can have a decent friendly conversation. Apparently I was mistaken. He answered the phone and told me I had the wrong number, and then had his new girlfriend call me back and ask who I was. At first I wanted to get upset, but then I just started to laugh. Even now I can't help but smile. Maybe he was trying to hurt me, but all he did was make me realize how ridiculous it was for me to ever have missed him. Part of me still can't believe I wasted four years of my life on someone that immature, but the other part of me is still highly amused. I look around me at school, at home, and see so many amazing and wonderful friends. Why did I even bother trying to invest time in someone who is so immature? I am going to bed a happy person tonight. This last semester of college is going to be one for the books. I love you all. God bless!

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