Career Women

I met a woman today at my cousin's daughter's friend's eighth birthday party. (Confusing relation? Yes, I thought so.) Brenda, as I will call her for the sake of this story, is in her early forties, unmarried, and very friendly. Since I am a stranger in this part of the country I was just making small talk with the other adults and listening in on various conversations. At one point however, I was talking to Brenda alone and the short exchange we had has bothered me all day. As I said before, Brenda was very nice and friendly, even invited me to go shopping with her or out to a happy hour with her later this week if I got bored. But in the five minutes that we had alone, I felt like I was seeing a very different woman, one who was unhappy and almost bitter. I wish I knew more about her to be able to figure out exactly what was bothering her. On the one hand she told me that she was very independent and advised me not to get married until I was at least in my thirties, yet on the other she complained because she did not have a rich husband to take care of her. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with being independent or a strong woman. I would be the first to admit that I do not like being told what to do and I definitely do not like to follow the crowd. However...you cannot have a successful relationship, let alone marriage, without being willing to compromise. Do you want your designer clothes and month long Carribean vacations? Or do you want a family? As I've gotten older and seen more of other families, I have begun to appreciate so much more all that my mom has done and given up for us children. It makes me so upset when other women try to downplay it. Yes, my mom has given up just about everything. And I love and admire her for it. She could have had a career if she'd wanted, and she would have made a fabulous engineer. She could be off vacationing in the mountains or watching the sun set in Fiji. But she's not. Instead she has dedicated the past twenty-five years to raising her children.

Before college I'd known very little besides stay-at-home moms. In was only in college that I began to truly be exposed to the career-mom mentality. Even now I have a hard time pinpointing why I find the idea so distasteful. Granted, there are many instances the situation is beyond a woman's control and she has no choice but to work. I am not referring to those. I am referring solely to those situations in which a woman could stay at home, but chooses instead to return to the working world. (And also to those women who refuse to consider marriage or a family until they have "established themselves in their career.") What is is that I don't like? The more I think about it and the more I am around career-moms the more I think it is their selfishness. Yes, not all of them are that way. I am not trying to say that. I am just saying that in general there is much more of a "me" mentality. And really, if you stop to think about it, it's quite sad. Women are made to love and to give. I know that none of these women go out into their career thinking that it will impair their ability to give to their children, but their are quite literally attempting the impossible. You cannot work for eight hours a day and still have the energy left to continue to give selflessly of yourself while you are at home. Not with little children. It breaks my heart to see it. I don't think there is any maliciousness in it. It's what our society says women are supposed to do. But it is the kids who suffer. And I think the women as well. When they look back in their forties, in their sixties...what do they see? A successful career? Most likely. And probably kids who don't have the time to spend with them because they are too absorbed in their own careers and lives.

I know, I'm probably not one to be talking. After all, I'm about to embark on my own career. It's something that I've thought about a lot lately. I think I am afraid of losing sight of the lessons my mom taught me over so many years. I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in the corporate world...making money, having freedom to travel and do all those things. But at the same time, college was amazing. I had so many awesome opportunites and got to do so many fun things and go on so many adventures. Yes I would still love to go to South America and Africa and Japan and Russia. There's still a lot of traveling I would love to do. And yes I still want to go jet skiing. But when it comes down to it, if I had to give it all up, I don't think I'd be too heartbroken. Or at least I hope I wouldnt be.