Frustration

Sometimes I just really hate computers. Yes they can be convenient, but after spending over an hour on the phone with tech support and another four hours trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer I'm still left with I have no clue but now it's working again. I guess we'll see if it continues to cooperate in the morning...

Home Sweet Home

I remember learning that song while I was boarding in Post Falls. For the rest of that semester it was my favorite song to sing. That was more than twelve years ago, but there is still something very comforting about being home. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but I also do love my family. Ya know, we pulled into the drive this evening and I had barely opened the car door before three little kids were jumping on top of me. It's hard to leave when you know you are so loved. Of course, I hadn't made it to the door before they started asking if I'd brought anything back for them. Silly question!

And now begins the whirlwind of activity before moving on Friday.

I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun

My last day of vacation before flying back to Houston and preparing for what some would call "the real world." Turns out, I'll be taking part of California back with me in the form of a nice sunburn, curtesy of the LA solar rays which can apparently penetrate multiple layers of sunscreen. But ya know what? It was worth it. My older brother flew in on Friday, so the three of us drove down to the beach to try to catch some waves. Unfortunately today was a rather bad day to try to learn how to surf so instead we had fun with some "Surf's Up" body boards that my cousin brought back from work. We spent all afternoon paddling furiously into the waves and then trying to catch the break at the just the right moment to ensure that when you finally stopped moving it would be because you'd been beached. Tons of fun, and the water was the perfect temperature. I had not gotten into the water at all yet, both for fear that it would be freezing, and because I had always walked down to the beach alone and was afraid to leave my phone and keys unattended. The afternoon was pretty much exactly what I would think of when I think of California vacation. Sun, beach, beautiful weather. And of course, having Joseph here was an added bonus. Silly as it may sound, I was so excited all week after I found out he would be flying in for the weekend. I love my family. They're pretty awesome. :)

Anne of Green Gables

I started watching part of the first Anne of Green Gables' movies with my cousins tonight. The book was one of my favorites as a child, and I still love the movie. I should probably reread the book, and all the others that I used to love so much. Polyanna, The Little Princess, Heidi, Little Lord Fauntleroy. Their main characters were not only so innocent, but also so full of happiness that they spread to all those around them. I always wanted to be like them. And they were good moral characters. They might not have been perfect, but morality was always highlighted as important in the stories. I think that's one reason why I've been unable to get into the Harry Potter craze. It took me almost six months to finish the first book. I just was not all that impressed. He was somewhat of a brat whose one redeeming quality was that he happened to be good at magic. I could not admire him or aspire to be like him. I've been told that the later books actually do develop his character and that he learns to behave better but I just don't have the desire to sit through thousands of pages to find what other authors have been able to do in a couple hundred.

Lazy Summer Days

The best part of my California trip has been the ability to do absolutely nothing if I so desire. I tend to get so caught up in always doing things that even when I take time to read or do nothing there is always something waiting to be done at the end, always a certain amount of time set aside. This week there has been none of that. I get up when I want, go to the beach if I feel like it, read, listen to music, play the piano, go to bed early. Aside from the little bit of time I spent dealing with apartment stuff yesterday I haven't thought much about moving or work. It's been very relaxing with lots of time to think and reflect on different things.

Denied

Today was a completely lazy day. I spent the morning taking care of apartment and moving details. I had a slight moment of panic when I talked to my mom and realized that I was moving out of the house completely in a little over a week. I realize it's just part of life but it's still slightly scary.

I walked down to the beach after lunch and spent about an hour listening to Pink Martini. My cousin introduced me to their music and I absolutely love them now. After about an hour of being a beach bum I started to crave ice cream and decided to walk the mile or so down to the nearby pier where I knew there was an ice cream shop. Imagine my frustration on arriving only to discover that the accepted nothing but cash when I was carrying my debit card. It was with slightly less enthusiasm that I began the two mile walk home. :(

Tourist

Today I was a tourist. I went to the Aquarium of the Pacific this morning and spent a few hours wandering around before the school crowds hit. I love the water. I love the ocean. I could have stood for hours and watched the fish swim. It never ceases to amaze me how much color and life there is under the water. Galveston Bay is so brown and polluted that for years I did not realize that complete other world just waiting to be discovered. My favorite by far was the South Pacific coral tank. I felt as though I were back in the waters of Palolo Deep and I were seeing for the first time the vibrant colors and wonderous beauty of the reef. I can still remember the goosebumps, catching my breath, and thinking to myself: "How can anyone believe that this is all chance? How is it possible to not believe that God exists?" Coral is so beautiful, so necessary, and so easily destroyed.
Since I got to the Aquarium early enough I did not have to fight crowds at the touch ponds. Ordinarily I would have just skipped them, but how is that even possible when you are the only person there? So I touched the fish and the rays and all the other ocean critters that they had. Let me just say for the record- they are slimy and somewhat gross. I like to admire them, but not necessarily touch them.

After eating lunch with my cousin I walked over to the Queen Mary and did the "haunted tour." A little cheesy perhaps, but still fun. I then wantedered around the ship for a while before walking back towards the Long Beach lighthouse and my cousin's office. As I crossed the bridge connecting the two attractions I could not help but admire the view of the ocean. Water is so peaceful. The rest of the view of the city wasn't bad either. To one side was the dock with all the boats and machinary, and on another side lay the tall buildings of the city, with all its accompanying hustle and bustle. Yet one thing struck me. I walked several miles today, and did not see a single church. Even from the top of the bridge looking down over the city not one steeple was visible. I could not help but contrast that with France or Samoa. Churches dot the countryside in France. True, many of them may now lie unused and serve soley as another tourist attraction, but they are still there reminders of another time. In Samoa as well one could not walk half a mile without coming upon a church. They were the center of every village. Where are they in the United States?

Three Cups of Tea

There are very few books that I would recommend as enthusiastically and universally as I would Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin's Three Cups of Tea. It chronicles ten years of a former mountain climber's work in rural Pakistan building schools for girls and assisting with other humaintarian efforts. For years he worked mostly alone, unknown and unrecognized by most Americans. His allies were instead the villagers whose lives he was trying so hard to improve. And on top of it all, he was a working man with a family of his own. The hardships he has faced and the number of times he has put his life in danger to make a difference is truly inspiring. He is living proof that education is the surest way to eliminate poverty and fight terrorism.

I also found this book inspiring because it provides a solution to a problem with which Washington seems increasingly unable cope. For several years now we have been dropping bombs, sending troops, and spending billions of dollars. And for what? For an increasing number of casulties and and increasing amount of resentment towards the United States. I used to be fascinated by politics. In highschool I loved it, and as a freshman in college I wanted to study political science. Now it seems so empty...a bunch of people talking and spending money, but not really doing anything. Here is someone who is doing something, and for that I have nothing but admiration.

And now I leave you a quote from the book. The speaker is Brigadier General Bhangoo, former personal helicopter pilot for President Musharraf. "Osama is not a product of Pakistan or Afghanistan. He is a creation of America. Thanks to America, Osama is in every home. As a military man, I know you can never fight and win against someone who can shoot at you once and then run off and hide while ou have to remain eternally on guard. You have to attack at the source of your enemy's strength. In America's case, that's not Osama or Saddam or anyone else. The enemy is ignorance. The only way to defeat it is to build relationships with these people, to draw them into the modern world with education and business. Otherwise the fight will go on forever."

Disneyland

My cousin took me to Disneyland today. Yes, I may be legally be an adult, but I am still a child at heart and it is perfectly acceptable for this to have been my first visit to that magical land. It was a lot more fun than I thought it would be, but what impressed me most was the attention to detail and the creativity of whoever designed that place. I would love to have that job! Every single ride was so full of characters and props...it was quite amazing. And then of course the dancers in the parade. I love dancing so it is very hard to sit still while others are twirling to music. Sitting on the sideline at the end of the day watching the parade, there were several thoughts running through my head. The first was "wow." The second was "I want to do that." And the third was "One of these days I am going to make a costume and go visit kids in the hospital and people in nursing homes." When Gina made her Civil War ballgown I realized just how much both little kids and older adults love the whole "princess magic." Even I was enchanted by it today. Ya know, I really am incredibly blessed. It's a thought that just keeps going through my head. I look at how much I have, all the opportunities I've been given, all the places I've been.

Career Women

I met a woman today at my cousin's daughter's friend's eighth birthday party. (Confusing relation? Yes, I thought so.) Brenda, as I will call her for the sake of this story, is in her early forties, unmarried, and very friendly. Since I am a stranger in this part of the country I was just making small talk with the other adults and listening in on various conversations. At one point however, I was talking to Brenda alone and the short exchange we had has bothered me all day. As I said before, Brenda was very nice and friendly, even invited me to go shopping with her or out to a happy hour with her later this week if I got bored. But in the five minutes that we had alone, I felt like I was seeing a very different woman, one who was unhappy and almost bitter. I wish I knew more about her to be able to figure out exactly what was bothering her. On the one hand she told me that she was very independent and advised me not to get married until I was at least in my thirties, yet on the other she complained because she did not have a rich husband to take care of her. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with being independent or a strong woman. I would be the first to admit that I do not like being told what to do and I definitely do not like to follow the crowd. However...you cannot have a successful relationship, let alone marriage, without being willing to compromise. Do you want your designer clothes and month long Carribean vacations? Or do you want a family? As I've gotten older and seen more of other families, I have begun to appreciate so much more all that my mom has done and given up for us children. It makes me so upset when other women try to downplay it. Yes, my mom has given up just about everything. And I love and admire her for it. She could have had a career if she'd wanted, and she would have made a fabulous engineer. She could be off vacationing in the mountains or watching the sun set in Fiji. But she's not. Instead she has dedicated the past twenty-five years to raising her children.

Before college I'd known very little besides stay-at-home moms. In was only in college that I began to truly be exposed to the career-mom mentality. Even now I have a hard time pinpointing why I find the idea so distasteful. Granted, there are many instances the situation is beyond a woman's control and she has no choice but to work. I am not referring to those. I am referring solely to those situations in which a woman could stay at home, but chooses instead to return to the working world. (And also to those women who refuse to consider marriage or a family until they have "established themselves in their career.") What is is that I don't like? The more I think about it and the more I am around career-moms the more I think it is their selfishness. Yes, not all of them are that way. I am not trying to say that. I am just saying that in general there is much more of a "me" mentality. And really, if you stop to think about it, it's quite sad. Women are made to love and to give. I know that none of these women go out into their career thinking that it will impair their ability to give to their children, but their are quite literally attempting the impossible. You cannot work for eight hours a day and still have the energy left to continue to give selflessly of yourself while you are at home. Not with little children. It breaks my heart to see it. I don't think there is any maliciousness in it. It's what our society says women are supposed to do. But it is the kids who suffer. And I think the women as well. When they look back in their forties, in their sixties...what do they see? A successful career? Most likely. And probably kids who don't have the time to spend with them because they are too absorbed in their own careers and lives.

I know, I'm probably not one to be talking. After all, I'm about to embark on my own career. It's something that I've thought about a lot lately. I think I am afraid of losing sight of the lessons my mom taught me over so many years. I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in the corporate world...making money, having freedom to travel and do all those things. But at the same time, college was amazing. I had so many awesome opportunites and got to do so many fun things and go on so many adventures. Yes I would still love to go to South America and Africa and Japan and Russia. There's still a lot of traveling I would love to do. And yes I still want to go jet skiing. But when it comes down to it, if I had to give it all up, I don't think I'd be too heartbroken. Or at least I hope I wouldnt be.

Reflections

I just finished spending a week in Post Falls, Idaho with my best friend since fourth grade. You know you have something pretty special when you can go more than four years without seeing a person and pick up as though you'd only been gone for half an hour. I'm really glad I decided to take the summer off because otherwise I would not have been able to spend this time with her, and with her upcoming wedding in October who knows when we'll be able to spend so much "girl time" together again. It was also nice to be able to meet her fiance and get to know him a little bit before they get married. Although who knows what he must think of Steph and I together...crazy girls. My flight got in pretty late at night, and I don't think the rest of the passengers were quite prepared for two twenty-some year old girls acting like little kids jumping up and down and screaming in the airport. We got more than a couple strange looks as those standing around waiting for their luggage back away from us. The week passed by quickly, too quickly, and now I am sitting in my cousin's house in LA relaxing and wondering if I should finish my book or walk down to the beach.

I tend to complain quite a bit, but when I stop to think about things, I have been more than a little blessed. I have one of the most incredible group of friends possible. Granted, many of them live all over the United States and I may rarely (if ever) see them. Yet I have learned so much from each of them. No matter what the problem I am facing or question I might have, I know that they would be there for me. I can think of only two friendships that have ended in a manner that I wish I could have changed, but even from those I have learned more than I thought possible. From one I learned the importance of compassion and forgiveness. We are all human and can make mistakes at any moment. I cannot be the one to judge another. From the other I learned what can happen when you take God out of the center of your life and lose respect for yourself. Sometimes there are days when I want to forget completely about these people who once meant so much to me, but I have come to realize that it is only in learning from the mistakes of the past that I can hope to become a better friend.

Dallas Trip

This weekend I drove up to Dallas with a group of friends to go to a wedding. The bride and groom were both college friends who graduated two years ago, so it was somewhat of a reunion as well. It is the third wedding I have been to this summer, and once again I was slightly wierded out seeing friends walk down the aisle. I must admit however that it was a beautiful wedding. They were married in the Cistercian Abby, so that was nice. They were both so relaxed and laid back, not stressed at all. It seemed like they were just enjoying the day. In fact, they didn't do the traditional "birdseed send-off;" opting instead to remain at the reception. We left slightly before midnight and they were still there talking to people. I thought that was really cool!

At the reception I ended up sitting next to this older gentleman and his wife, and over the course of the meal I learned about their life. I have never met someone who so firmly believes that "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Despite all the rough times they've had...destroyed home and business, forced relocation, etc he was genuinely happy and content and optimistic. I realized that I spend a lot of time complaining about things, when in fact I have an awful lot for which to be thankful. I want to be able to be like that, always taking everything in stride, but it doesn't happen overnight. Resignation begins with the small things.