A number of random thoughts

I've been meaning to post for at least a week now, but never made the time for it. After I came back from Samoa I had a lot of questions regarding development vs. preservation of culture. I was very confused. On the one hand I was being told that this culture needed to be preserved and that development was bad. On the other hand I was working with engineers and educated Samoans who wanted more for their fellow country men. What to do? By going there, was I helping them or hurting them? Fortunately I have now found an answer. Or at least I think I have. While it has helped in some ways, it has also left me with more questions.

I am taking a class on Development Economics taught by the former president of Rice University and a leading expert in this field. He has done a lot of work in this field, and I went to speak with him last week. I asked him how he managed to balance the two, and what I should do. His response was that an economists job was not to tell people what to do. It was to provide them with options. He also told me that he only went in when his aide was requested. Suddenly everything clicked. It made so much sense. I don't have to worry about what the best thing for these people is. That is a decision they have to make for themselves. They are perfectly capable of making rational and educated decisions. The other comment he made is that colonialism happened. I have to get over it and move on because that cannot be changed.

Even though this conversation made so much sense and gave me a huge sense of calm regarding my experience in Samoa, it also left me with a lot of doubts about my decision to major in economics. It has also made me decide I definitely do not want to get my PhD in economics because as he said, economists do not make moral judgements. Their job is to give facts and options; to analyze the situation. For some reason I had this romantic notion that I could somehow save the world. That's not going to happen. That does not mean that I cannot do some good or that I cannot help people...I just have to be more realistic about things. I'll post more on this later. I know it's something that I will be thinking about quite a bit this semester.

And in other news. I called my ex today just to chat, see how he was doing. I figured it's been nine months...surely we can have a decent friendly conversation. Apparently I was mistaken. He answered the phone and told me I had the wrong number, and then had his new girlfriend call me back and ask who I was. At first I wanted to get upset, but then I just started to laugh. Even now I can't help but smile. Maybe he was trying to hurt me, but all he did was make me realize how ridiculous it was for me to ever have missed him. Part of me still can't believe I wasted four years of my life on someone that immature, but the other part of me is still highly amused. I look around me at school, at home, and see so many amazing and wonderful friends. Why did I even bother trying to invest time in someone who is so immature? I am going to bed a happy person tonight. This last semester of college is going to be one for the books. I love you all. God bless!

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