Patience

The past few months at work have become incredibly frustrating for me. I had mistakingly believed that the challenges provided by this new role and the increased responsibility would make me more excited about working, but it's been the complete opposite. Whereas before I had no clue what I was doing, now I am becoming an expert on something which holds no interest for me. At the end of the day I am left questioning whether my desire to move to alternative energy is due to interest in it or just a complete lack of interest in natural gas liquids. Don't get me wrong, understanding how the oil and gas market works is critical to understanding how alternative sources of energy can be most effective, but helping a huge oil company maximize profits was not my ideal job.

And here is why patience comes into play. I came here because their AE division was the best of all the super majors. They spent the most money, invested the most resources, and wanted to be leaders in the field. I came knowing that it would be at least a year before I would have the opportunity to move into that area of the company. But with the reorg that year is turning into three. Managers who were fully supportive before are now telling me that I will most likely have to wait, and that even at the end of three years it might still be difficult to move. This waiting game, with no clear end in sight, and not even a clear path to follow is frustrating. I don't mind working hard for something that is far off in the future. I don't mind working hard for something that is so far off in the future that it cannot even be seen. What I don't like is working hard for something I can't see without knowing if I'm even on the right path. Unfortunately that's how things feel right now. I know where I want to be and what I want to do. Is what I am doing right now going to get me there?

Trash

Do you ever stop to think about the amount of trash that you generate in a single day? Or week? Or year? After living in Samoa for a semester and seeing the negative impacts of trash build-ups I have tried to become a more conscientious recycler. But even recycling does not completely eliminate waste, it just extends it's life cycle. There is a real problem with the way things are packaged today. It's a plastic overload. Sure it's convenient and cheaper in the short run but plastic does not biodegrade so we'll be living with it for a long time to come.

Two interesting stories I read recently. One is about the 3.5 million tons of trash floating around in the dead zone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The second is about a man who saved every single piece of trash he accumulated for a whole year. Disgusting yeah? I agree. But it does make you think about your own lifestyle and things you can do to minimize your own "trash footprint."

• Continent-size toxis stew of plastic trash fouling swath of Pacific Ocean


• California man saves year's-worth of trash

A Little R&R

It's not often that I find myself at my apartment on a Saturday evening, but since I am recovering from a rather nasty cold I decided it was a good idea. Definitely a change of pace for me. I sleep a lot when I go back to visit family, but not necessarily here. Rather nice to sleep away the afternoon, and I even managed to get some stuff done. Ok maybe not that much but I did write a few thank you letters. That should count for something. :) I also got to spend time with my roommates. Doesn't happen as often as it should. It was a movie marathon evening: Love Actually, and then the first two Bourne movies. But now it's one in the morning and I need to be up in a few hours for church. I think I'll probably spend most of tomorrow sleeping as well. haha

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a wonderful and blessed Christmas! I am once again back with my family enjoying an unexpected week off from work. Unexpected because until two weeks ago I did not know that I had this vacation time. I love happy unexpectedness. :)

I had a wonderful Christmas. Right now all my younger siblings are running around the house playing with their new toys. It seems like the game of the moment is some sort of laser tag.

For the first time in several years all of us went to the same Mass on Christmas day. Normally half of us go to midnight and the other half go in the morning, but this year everyone went in the morning. I actually went to the vigil as well to accompany the soloists on the organ. Exciting but also a little scary as it's been about five years since I've played the organ in church and it was very last minute. Three of the pieces I received two days beforehand, and the final piece I received when I arrived at the church for a brief rehearsal. The organ is in need of some desperate repairs, and I had a few problems with stops the first two pieces, but the Communion pieces turned out much better, at least in my opinion. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to play more often. I'm planning to take a few lessons to brush up on technique, pedaling, and the stops. The biggest determining factor in how much time I spend will be whether or not I can obtain a key. My ultimate goal is to start playing for weddings again. Music took a huge backseat in college, but I don't think it could ever stop being a part of my life. One of these days I will get a piano as well, but for the time being it would be in competition with the TV and I don't think my roommates would approve. :-P Aside from the organ I am also playing a few times a month with a couple of friends. Right now we are working on Bach's Double and I cannot wait to have it done. It's going to sound awesome. I'm really enjoying having more difficult pieces to learn, because otherwise I am tempted to just stick with music that I already know or that is fairly easy to sight read. The challenge of having to practice difficult passages is exciting. And yes, I know that I have now managed to sound like a complete dork. :)

Thanksgiving

For the first time ever all ten kids were home for Thanksgiving. That may seem surprising, but when the baby was born my older brother was already in college, and he always spent Thanksgiving with family on the East coast. Last year, his first year out of school, I was in Samoa. I must admit it was nice to have everyone home for the holidays. It's amazing how easy it is to slip into old routines with family. If you know me, you know that as a rule I don't watch much TV. Yet over the course of the past few days I watched quite a bit of football. Part of it is a feeling of wasting time whenever I "veg in front of the box." But with family, it never feels like that.

Thanksgiving will most likely end up being the one holiday that brings us all together again. Christmas will as well, but it's harder to coordinate with Mass. Christmas is more of a religious holiday and so church is a priority. Plus it can fall anytime during the week. Thanksgiving is always a four day weekend, making it easy to predict and plan.

Wet puppy

That's pretty much how I felt by the time I made it back to my car after today's game of ultimate. Yet despite all of that, if I had the chance I would be out there again right now. I miss playing ultimate. I don't care if I was soaking wet from the incessant drizzle and covered in grass and mud...I had fun today! One of my roommates doesn't like to break a sweat and so refuses to play spots. I just don't understand that. I love the tired feeling you get after a hard workout; digging deep and pushing yourself. What I hate is feeling is feeling out of shape so that my body doesn't want to respond the way that I want it to. I think I might have to start running occasionally in addition to swimming. Or maybe a track workout. For some odd reason I'd much rather do sprints than run distance.

Rain

It's not that I don't like the rain. It's more that it's very inconvenient for it to be raining so much right now. I bought a new mountain bike earlier this week and was really looking forward to trying it out on some of the trails around Houston but no. The rain has put a quick stop to that. It's not that it has been raining non-stop, but it's been raining enough to keep the trails muddy, and riding muddy trails equals ruts which equals not good. So instead I've had to keep busy in other ways; like hanging out with my sisters, watching the new Bourne movie (finally!!!), attempting to go to a Rice football game only to have the rain postpone it near the end of the first quarter, catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while, and curling up with a good book on the couch. Being grown-up still scares me, but I am also beginning to appreciate just how much fun it can be.

Little Sister

One of my younger sisters moved into her dorm room this afternoon. That was just weird. I know that she's not little anymore, but I just can't believe that she's old enough to be in college. For that matter I can't believe that I'm old enough for her to be in college. It was also somewhat strange to be back on campus, watching everyone move in, and knowing that I won't be going back as a student. Watching all the freshmen walking around campus trying to orient themselves and parents investigating everything to ensure that their little darlings will be comfortable took me back to my first day at Rice. I was so nervous and scared, with no clue what I was doing. I've changed a lot. I hope that in four years all these young kids will look back at the beginning of O-week and realize that college is an awesome experience. I hope they have as much fun as I did.

Weekends

During the week I don't do much besides swim, work, drive, and sleep. My weekends however, look like they will be a lot more fun. Not having homework problems to do or tests for which to study makes it so much easier to relax and just do whatever. Friday night I went to an Astros game with a group of Rice friends. Things are really going to be different after Biggio retires at the end of this year. I remember going to games with my dad and older brother when I was in first and second grade...watching Biggio and Bagwell play. At one point I had a ball signed by all the Astros. I have no clue where it is now.

Saturday morning was spent running errands, which did include a stop at Borders. Books and shoes are my weaknesses. I already have to buy (or build) another bookshelf for my room. I spent the rest of the day playing in a hat tournament. I seriously almost died. It had to have been one of the hottest days of the summer, and with no cloud coverage for most of the day. I felt as though I were running with an elephant on my chest. Add to that the fact that I've started swimming in place of running and I am actually somewhat sore right now. It was so much fun though. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about ultimate. I know that I won't be joining a club team this year, but I really do enjoy playing. The problem is that it's much more fun when you're actually in shape and in practice so I'll have to find a way to make that work. After the games were over I stopped by a friend's apartment to say hi. I didn't plan on staying for long because I was quite nasty from the day. I didn't think much about it cuz the guy is practically my older brother. I've known him since I was 3 1/2, and so I was just planning to chill with his wife and his younger sister who was also hanging out at his place. Well, they didn't bother to tell me that it also happened to be poker night...yeah they just left that little detail out until a couple guys showed up at the door. Of course at this point they wouldn't let me leave because they wanted another player for the game. I was not ok with this. It's pretty bad when you know that you don't smell too good. To make a long story short I ended up borrowing some clothes and showering there so that I could stay and learn how to play Texas Hold'em. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and I probably could have placed higher than third if I hadn't gotten impatient at around midnight and decided I just wanted to go home.

Today was also jam-packed. I got to church early because a friend and I wanted to try to join the choir. I've wanted to join for the past four years, but because of the car situation I haven't actually done so. As of this morning however I am now a member of the Annunciation choir. It's "off-season" now so we're just singing hymns, but come Advent we should be starting back up with the Propers. I think we're also going to try to get some more enthusiasm going for Polyphony. After Mass a large group of us went out to breakfast. There is no parish hall, which makes it somewhat difficult to meet a lot of people at church, but this breakfast group is a ton of fun. I went last year once, but now that I have a car I should be going much more regularly. It's a whole mixture of people- from a retired history professor to little kids. After breakfast I went to a semi-housewarming party and re-watched the second Borne movie. Now I have to go see the third one. The remainder of the afternoon was dedicated to a nice long nap before heading over to another friend's house for some fresh grilled fish which were the product a deep sea fishing expedition yesterday. And now, I am ready for bed. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, and I definitely don't want to get up at 5:15 to swim in the morning. Why am I doing this to myself?

Diversity and Inclusion

Today we had what BP likes to call "D&I Day." Is is basically an excuse to have free food all day long and bring in speakers who talk about various diversity or inclusion issues. The first speaker today was talking about the need to respect and love ourselves before we can respect and love others. She went on about commonality and looking beneath the surface blah blah. I could understand the point she was trying to make, but it still seemed like there was this huge part that was missing. The whole thing was approached from a purely human perspective. It just seemed like it was more about "feeling good" and "being happy" for yourself. Including others, and celebrating differences were good things to do because of what they did for you. I can't remember off the top of my head what the four major themes were but one was "We are all similar and we are all different." Another one was "Communicating with compassion." Both of those are good, but as with everything else she was saying, they revolved around self. She recommended taking some time in the morning to "listen to your heart and connect with your inner being." It is all so close, and yet at the same time so far away from hitting the mark. Unless God is the center of our lives we will not be able to achieve this inclusion and understanding of others. When you examine it from a Catholic point of view, all the pieces fit. We are all the same. We were all created in the image and likeness of God Himself. We all have eternal souls. But at the same time we are all different. Each human being is unique. We all have free will. When we look at this world keeping in mind this fact that we are all children of God, and when we see in other people God Himself, it follows that we will treat others with compassion.

We are faced with many social problems in our society, but they are impossible to cure without knowing the cause. The root cause is that we have taken God out of our lives. We are trying to address the symptoms without acknowledging the disease itself. It is as though a doctor were handing a band aid to a patient who has been in a horrible car accident. It might cover a scratch but it won't do much good beyond that.

For your viewing pleasure

Go big or go home

I just got off the phone with my mom, and one of her last comments was "You just can't do anything that's not big can you." In case you are wondering what prompted that, let me tell you a little story. It's a story about my first day of work. Ya see, it started out the way I planned. I woke up at 5:30 and swam some laps at the apartment pool, came back, showered, got dressed put on makeup, got in my car and started the drive to work. Being the slightly nerdy dork that I am, I was alternating listening to some piano music that I want to learn and some French pop as I drove. I'd been a little afraid of the traffic, but until the last stoplight it was flowing pretty well. At 8am I turned into the complex, proud of myself for timing things so well. The visitor's parking garage was just ahead, but I stopped to let a pedestrian cross the street. All of a sudden "BANG." Ok, stop and rewind. That's just the music right? It can't possibly be that the guy in the white SUV behind me just hit me. Please don't let it be that? I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were "Just tell me you have insurance. That's all I care about. Please just tell me you have insurance." You have to remember that I'm driving my brand new, less than a month old, car. The guy assures me that he does, that he just bought the car two weeks ago, blah blah. He's young, just started work two weeks ago. We exchange information and agree to meet later as we both have meetings starting at 8:30. Four o'clock rolls around and we meet downstairs in the lobby of my building. The poor guy is visibly shaken and very upset. Me? I'm not too worried. After all, insurance is going to take care of it, right? Right! Oh, except for the one little part where his insurance is now saying that he's not actually covered. Talk about God having a sense of humor. But things are going to work. He's willing to pay for everything, and drove with me to drop off the car and pick up a rental. It really could have been a lot worse. I could have hit the guy crossing in front of me. It could have been much worse damage. One of us could have been injured. He could be a complete jerk. Granted, things aren't completely finished, but I trust that things will work. At least I hope they do. I was telling the story to my roommates when I got home this evening and they started lecturing me for my stupidity. Yes, the check he wrote me could bounce, and he could pull his credit card. And if that happens then I might stop being so amused by the fact that this happened on my first day of work. But until then, I think you kinda have to give the general decency in human beings a shot. I dunno. In the end it's just money.

And now for something lighter. You should totally check out this video. I can't take credit for mixing it, but I can and will take credit for most of the video clips and pictures...esp the ones of people laying out. Yep those are my pictures. I pretty much rock. :-)

New Apartment

I moved into my new apartment on Friday, and incredibly enough was able to completely unpack in one day. It is rather nice to have my own room again. My roommates have also moved into the apartment, but they don't have their furniture here yet so my room is the only one done. The only thing missing is a second bookshelf...I didn't realize I had so many books!!! Hopefully in another few weeks we will have the kitchen and living room completely furnished so that we can throw our supposedly obligatory party. I had been rather nervous about the whole move and new job etc, but now that I'm here and settled and near all my Rice friends I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. The fun part will be getting at 5:30. I want to try to start swimming again in the morning before work. Technically the pool at the apartment doesn't open until 10am, but somehow I managed to get permission to swim early as long as I don't make too much noise.

Moving

So the movers are scheduled to arrive at 8am tomorrow. I know I should be excited about moving, and I am...somewhat, but it's also a little scary to know that I am moving pretty much for good. College was different. This was still my home. But that's about to change. The ironic part is that now that I have a car I'll probably actually visit more often than I did in college.

Racism

There are very few things that will get me as upset as quickly as racism. I went to the library today with my younger sister to return some books and pick up a movie. As we were waiting for one of the librarians to find the movie in the back we chatted with the other two members of staff working at the circulation desk. One of them was white skinned and the other dark. Ok, so truth be told we were actually talking with the darker staff member because he had just come back from South America and was wearing a pretty awesome embroidered shirt he had bought there. The third librarian was helping an older man when a middle-aged woman approached her with a stack of books. Immediately the guy behind the desk offered to check her out on his computer. Without looking at him, and with her back completely turned the woman replied "No, she's got it." I immediately looked at the young man and saw reflected in his face the same shocked expression I knew was visible in mine. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders, but I could barely continue the conversation because I was fuming inside. She had made no direct comment; there was nothing blatant that I could use to call her out, but the message was obvious. Subtle but direct. Unbelievable. We call ourselves United and we tolerate that in our neighborhoos, libraries, schools, and workplaces. Two years ago I witnessed something very similar in a gas station in middle of nowhere, small town Oklahoma with a friend of mine whose parents happened to be from India. He was from a big city in the Midwest and had absolutely no clue what was happening. For a split second I could understand why Blacks have in the past said that they just knew to get out of town..."sun-down cities." As an American I am embarressed to be forced to acknowledge that racism still exists in this country. The question is...how do you solve the problem?

I was talking to my cousin about this very issue last week. There are a lot of programs in schools, and the errors of racial discrimation are heavily preached in classrooms. But are they doing any good? Or are they instead deepening the cycle by raising awarenss in the minds of children who would otherwise be too innocent to compare their friends based on skin color? In most cases adults are the ones who place that issue in their heads, who introduce the color filter which then casts a haze over their relationships with others. Many people are surprised when I reveal that I am Latino. (I cannot count the number of times people have started to make comments about "those stupid Mexicans only to stammer "oh, but I don't mean like you" when I remind them that I am Mexican.) Sure, I may not have the brown skin that most people associate with Hispanics, but perhaps that is part of the reason that I insist on it. Skin color should not be a determining factor in anything, let alone personality or character traits.

Frustration

Sometimes I just really hate computers. Yes they can be convenient, but after spending over an hour on the phone with tech support and another four hours trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer I'm still left with I have no clue but now it's working again. I guess we'll see if it continues to cooperate in the morning...

Home Sweet Home

I remember learning that song while I was boarding in Post Falls. For the rest of that semester it was my favorite song to sing. That was more than twelve years ago, but there is still something very comforting about being home. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but I also do love my family. Ya know, we pulled into the drive this evening and I had barely opened the car door before three little kids were jumping on top of me. It's hard to leave when you know you are so loved. Of course, I hadn't made it to the door before they started asking if I'd brought anything back for them. Silly question!

And now begins the whirlwind of activity before moving on Friday.

I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun

My last day of vacation before flying back to Houston and preparing for what some would call "the real world." Turns out, I'll be taking part of California back with me in the form of a nice sunburn, curtesy of the LA solar rays which can apparently penetrate multiple layers of sunscreen. But ya know what? It was worth it. My older brother flew in on Friday, so the three of us drove down to the beach to try to catch some waves. Unfortunately today was a rather bad day to try to learn how to surf so instead we had fun with some "Surf's Up" body boards that my cousin brought back from work. We spent all afternoon paddling furiously into the waves and then trying to catch the break at the just the right moment to ensure that when you finally stopped moving it would be because you'd been beached. Tons of fun, and the water was the perfect temperature. I had not gotten into the water at all yet, both for fear that it would be freezing, and because I had always walked down to the beach alone and was afraid to leave my phone and keys unattended. The afternoon was pretty much exactly what I would think of when I think of California vacation. Sun, beach, beautiful weather. And of course, having Joseph here was an added bonus. Silly as it may sound, I was so excited all week after I found out he would be flying in for the weekend. I love my family. They're pretty awesome. :)

Anne of Green Gables

I started watching part of the first Anne of Green Gables' movies with my cousins tonight. The book was one of my favorites as a child, and I still love the movie. I should probably reread the book, and all the others that I used to love so much. Polyanna, The Little Princess, Heidi, Little Lord Fauntleroy. Their main characters were not only so innocent, but also so full of happiness that they spread to all those around them. I always wanted to be like them. And they were good moral characters. They might not have been perfect, but morality was always highlighted as important in the stories. I think that's one reason why I've been unable to get into the Harry Potter craze. It took me almost six months to finish the first book. I just was not all that impressed. He was somewhat of a brat whose one redeeming quality was that he happened to be good at magic. I could not admire him or aspire to be like him. I've been told that the later books actually do develop his character and that he learns to behave better but I just don't have the desire to sit through thousands of pages to find what other authors have been able to do in a couple hundred.

Lazy Summer Days

The best part of my California trip has been the ability to do absolutely nothing if I so desire. I tend to get so caught up in always doing things that even when I take time to read or do nothing there is always something waiting to be done at the end, always a certain amount of time set aside. This week there has been none of that. I get up when I want, go to the beach if I feel like it, read, listen to music, play the piano, go to bed early. Aside from the little bit of time I spent dealing with apartment stuff yesterday I haven't thought much about moving or work. It's been very relaxing with lots of time to think and reflect on different things.